My life was perfect, I had a good job, four children. And an awesome girlfriend. Nothing could go wrong. I know that Nevaeh and I smoked crack but who didn't now a days?  It's like the poor man's vacation. I came home from work and of course didn't know what to expect. Sometimes Nevaeh was home, sometimes she was in there with a man, sometimes I did not see her for weeks at a time. I didn't mind.  I am ten years her elder, therefore she needed to have some life experience under her belt. Who was I to keep her home and tell her what to do.  I am not her mother.

   The house was dark, I was thinking that she must have went to go smoke crack without me. Our routine was I would hurry home so I could smoke a little before I picked up the kids from daycare. It was nice to have a few minutes of peace before homework, dinner, and laundry.  I opened the door all I thought was man Tbone better hurry with my remedy because I had to pick up the kids from daycare.  When I opened the door I was startled by a shadowy figure sitting on my chair. Fear crossed my mind, I thought oh shit someone broke in the house. To my relief and surprise it was Nevaeh sitting on my chair with headphones on. She scared the shit out of me.

"Damn it Nevaeh"! Why are you sitting in the dark?" I asked her.  She looked at me with big eyes and her skin was pale. She looked like Nevaeh but her eyes told me different.

"Are you OK?" I asked her with concern

"I see everything so clearly now. I met a man at the park today and he introduced me to something that makes me feel brand new. I feel like a new person. I have seen the truth" She answered.

   It looked like Nevaeh , but her eyes were black, and empty almost her pale skin looked like she has been deprived of the sun. I had a hard time even recognizing the tone in her voice and the words that came out. Our usual greeting was "Oh my god bitch! Guess what happened today?" or "Bitch! I missed you". Nevaeh didn't have that much of an education. I believe she dropped out of school in 8th grade and never attempted high school. She never worked a day in her life. She was beautiful, and I loved her more then words could say. I wanted to provide her with a good life and show her how life was meant to be lived.

"Ok well are you going to get the remedy?" she asked me. She broke my train of thought.

"Yes, I was going to call Tbone but I have to take a poop." I answered her, "Oh, yes and what do you want me to make for dinner?"

"I want whatever you make babe, you know I love your cooking". Nevaeh said to me.

Ah, I love her. I am so happy with her we have been together for three years now. I fell in love with her when she got mad at me and lit the car I bought her on fire. I laugh when I think of that story. I chuckled finished and heard her come thru the door. We went to our room, and continued our ritual. Then we went to pick up the kids from daycare. I was getting ready to go to bed I had already put the kids to sleep and she came and kissed me and told me "I can't wait until it's time to show you the new remedy"

"What are you talking about" I asked her

"I will show you when the time comes" She got up from the bed and turned around " I won't be home tonight. I love you Stacy."

"I love you too" I answered. What she said I really didn't compute, I just continued with my life and usual routine.

A few days passed and thank god it's Friday, yes! The children asked if they could play outside. I told them that they could, while I cooked dinner.  When I walked into the kitchen I saw my best friend Tito sitting at my table.

"Hi Tito, how are you doing to today?" I asked him.

"Oh, ah I saw Rocio today. She called me to buy her cigarettes, and she said she wanted to go to the casino. When I got to her work she came out I handed her a carton of cigarettes and asked for money. She said she was in a hurry. I watched her run to a white Ford Ranger and give the driver a kiss I was so mad that I cut across the parking lot and I punched his window. Rocio told me she was calling the cops and all of the sudden Nevaeh showed up. She grabbed Rocio by the hair and she drug her to the sidewalk and sat on top of her and told her if she called the cops she would put a hurting on her. Oh my god Stacy, I don't know what's wrong with her. She looked at me while I was thinking is this really Nevaeh?" Tito paused for a moment, looked at me with dark eyes like Nevaeh did the other day. " She jumped up like she was superhuman and ran.  Rocio was crying saying she hated me and couldn't wait for the divorce. She wants half of everything but doesn't want to help me take care of Junior."     

Rocio is not very nice, that is Tito's wife and all his kids are grown with their own kids,or in prison. I wanted to ask Tito if his grandkids were born with prison numbers. Then decided to refrain from the comment because it was obviously not appropriate.  Rocio left the youngest child and told Tito she raised her kids this one is yours. I believe that was the exact quote. Junior is a mess, he just does what he wants. I believe every run away in high school lives at Tito's. Not to mention he is the street pawn shop. He won't charge you interest if you are in a bind, and have decent collateral.

Tito was looking like a little different, I know that he just smokes weed.  He just kept looking at everything around the kitchen like he could feel every detail.

"Are you on something?" I asked.

" Oh, yes Nevaeh showed me the Remedy to get rid of the bad that's inside of me and now I feel like a brand new man. I have never felt like this I know everything. Everything is so clear to me."

"She gave you the Remedy? It was your time?" Then I started taking the ground turkey out of the freezer, and decided on meatloaf muffins filled with shells and cheese. My children love them and they are easy to store, and not to bad of a clean up. I pulled all the ingredients out and started to pull the dinner together. I will make a quick salad, and the kids can have pudding for dessert.

"I injected Meth in my veins. Look at the needle."  Tito proceeded to pull a syringe from his pocket on his blue and grey flannel. His eyes were wide and could not stay focused in one place. They bounced all over the place, and he tried to hand me a syringe.

"No thanks Tito I don't need it right now. I am cooking for the kids."  I answered him.

" It's a thick gel at first, once it goes inside I coughed,and I felt so happy. All the bad in my life went away."

"Tito, how can you see everything clearly if you are under the influence of a pretty serious drug? You basically injected yourself with all kinds of chemicals, and it's not good to put stuff like that in inside you."

"You don't know what it feels like to get all the hate out of me all the evil that I want to do to Rocio. Now I am over it and I can move on with my life and just be full of love and goodness for others."

Tito explained. The muscles around his mouth tightened up and, the lines on his forehead relaxed. He looked peaceful and euphoric. He was able to concentrate better could see, except his eyes bounced around. But all of the sudden his skin turned a grey color. I looked at his hand and they were bleeding. " What happened to your hand Tito?" I asked him with concern.

" I told you that I punched Rocio's boyfriends window" He responded with a very angry look that I have never seen before. He mumbled under his breath and then got up and said he needed to take care of something.

I was a little scared, worried about my friend.  I know he was going thru a lot in his life right now and he is a grown man. But I don't think that putting Meth in your veins is the solution to anything. All of the sudden a touch of nostalgia hit me and I remember the commercial "This is your brain, This is your brain on drugs." and they fried an egg. Wow! This is horrible. What should I do? I need to finish dinner and check on my children. I put the children to bed, and kissed them goodnight.I was laying down to go to sleep and Nevaeh came in, she looked so different. She was dressed in a tight long sleeved thermal shirt with a picture of a star and a goat. I have never known her to wear makeup, she was wearing a think line of liquid eyeliner and a pair of jeans that complimented her figure. She wore some nice Nike tennis shoes hi tops that were black and white and her long black hair was in a pony tail. This was different from her usual basketball shorts and t-shirts.

"You look nice Nevaeh, where are you going?" I asked her. I was curious about the change in her.

" Call me Tyranny, Nevaeh is not here right now". Her voice was different, her eyes black, and her skin was light. I could not believe what I was hearing. What does she mean?

 

"Ok Tyranny, are we going to be doing some role play?" This could be interesting, I thought maybe our sex was going to spice up. Plus, I didn’t know what else to say.

"No, I have errands to attend. I wanted to meet you. Nevaeh has mentioned you a lot." Her voice was emotionless. Like she had no feelings.

“It was nice to meet you Tyranny, I hope I may make your acquaintance again.”  I answered trying to be polite and act like I was meeting one of her friends.

“ I shall return to help you, when your time has come.” She turned and walked out the door.

I sat in the dark with many thoughts racing through my head. Does she need an exorcism? Should I call I call the church? The Pope? How do I get Nevaeh back?

The next few weeks where bad, Nevaeh seemed to be fading away. I had money missing from my bank account. The money I was saving to buy us a house. My children had toys missing. My car was broken into, and the detectives came by the house asking where she was.

Tyranny answered the door and told the detective” Nevaeh is gone and she will not be back. She has died, ask her family in California”

  I was shocked by the response. How can she say that about Nevaeh. How can she say that Nevaeh is dead. My mind started racing, and all of the sudden it made sense. The night she stabbed the man in the alley, the night she stole a car. In the morning she did not remember what had happened. The more I thought about it I remember a note that Tyranny gave me from Nevaeh saying that she was not strong enough anymore that the dark was taking over, in the note she said.

 

 Dear Stacy I love you so much, I have kept the dark inside for so long that I am not strong enough to to fight it. It is taking over, I loved it so much when it came out. I have tried to do as society says but I have denied it for so long it felt good. The beatings, robberies, and the stabbings were my fault. If the detectives come please give them this note. It was not Tyranny, it was I.  The shame inside is more than I can handle. Please forgive me. Tell the kids I love them, and I am sorry. Tyranny may take my belongings and I wish you a good life.”

Always,

Nevaeh xoxo
 

   I told the detective about the note and handed it to him. Tyranny took Nevaeh’s belongings. I sat in shock. Where did she go? Where was Nevaeh? Is it possible that Tyranny took over her body? How do you balance the good and bad inside myself? Can the bad take over if I let it? I see Tyranny in the street, she does not know who I am. My heart aches for Nevaeh, could I have saved her from the syringe? Is that the evil that took over? I do not have my answers. I know that Tito, has disappeared. There is Ignacio now and a lot of other people seemed to be a shell of a person they used to be. I continued my life. I miss her and I think about her from time to time. I started researching about the bad inside. I have realized that as scary as it is, the bad inside of me is there. I am stepping through my shadow. I am coming to terms with it, and I am comfortable in my own skin. I do not want to lose myself. I am me, and I am special, if my story helps one person then I have served my purpose.

This is just the beginning, of the making of Gemma Parkview. A new story coming soon....